SOUNDCHECK

(Based on the song by Catfish and the Bottlemen)

Standing on the stage with my band mates, guitar in hand, microphone posed a little too short in front of me.

BUZZ BUZZ.

The familiar vibrations of my mobile phone in my pocket threaten to take my focus from the sound technician who is yelling instructions at me from behind a console at the other end of the room.

“Right lead guitar, can you give me something so I can check your levels.” He sounds uninterested as he leans back in his chair, headphones around his neck and his feet up on the complex soundboard, which is probably worth more than all of my belongings combined. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to be here. Why would he want to spend his Wednesday evening mixing sound for my band of amateur rock-star wannabes?

BUZZ BUZZ.

There it goes again. I half-heartedly strum a few chords of one of our songs while the sound guy fiddles with a few knobs and buttons. This gig is the fifth one that we’ve played this month and despite having been together a good two years now we don’t seem to be getting anywhere. It’s yet another dingy pub in Manchester city centre where the regulars continue to sip on their beers as we set up for our inevitably tragic show. Every time is the same, we end up playing to 12 disgruntled people who’ve never heard of us just because our mates can’t be bothered to make the effort to come and see us play.

“That’s enough, mate. Drums, give me a steady snare hit.” His lack of enthusiasm is less than inspiring.

BUZZ BUZZ.

I rest my guitar against one of the amplifiers and jump down off of the stage. As I pull my phone out of my pocket the screen lights up with the name that gets my heart pulsing – three text messages from Anna.

“You still in soundcheck?”

“I’ve got break in 10”

“Meet me outside my work”

She never was one to beat around the bush. Anna is the kind of person who doesn’t give a shit about what people think of her, she might cross the line sometimes with the things she says but at least she’s real. Unlike those fake, Instagram obsessed bimbos wearing 5 layers of orange foundation and Superdrug own brand contouring kit who live for the likes and don’t have an original thought in their brains. It’s rare to come across people like Anna these days and her unapologetic realness is one of the things that make her so god damn magnetic.

As I start to write my reply I find myself rethinking and retyping over and over. The constant sharp hits of the snare drum don’t help me much to concentrate on forming a response which doesn’t make me sound too desperate or pathetic. There’s nothing I would rather do than to see this girl, even if it were for just a minute.

“Hey! Yeah I’m still in sound check atm. Should be done soon though. I’ll try and meet you” I reply, trying desperately to disguise my eagerness. Of course I’m going to do all I can to meet her on her fag break.

I climb back up onto the stage and throw my guitar strap over my shoulders. As they finish testing each drum individually I tap my foot impatiently, waiting to play a song and get this sound check over with.

Before my guitar has even stopped echoing from the song we have just sound checked, I drop it next to the amplifier and jump down from the stage.

“Be back soon!” I yell to my band mates as I race out of the door. I’m sure they can tell from my haste where I’m off to and I can almost feel their eyes rolling at me behind my back. They know that Anna has me wrapped around her little finger. They like to joke and say that she’s got me ‘whipped’ even though we’re not even a couple – as much as I crave her affection, I don’t believe that she reciprocates my feelings, so for now I’ll have to settle for her friendship.

Anna’s work is only down the road but I am worried that the sound check went on too long and that I’ve missed her. I sprint around the corner, nearly knocking over a middle-aged couple in the process. The red-faced, overweight pair shakes their fists and yells a few profanities in my direction but I’m too preoccupied to care. As I approach the café in which Anna works I slow myself so as to not look like a maniac should she happen to still be on break. The door to the café opens and a tall, slim girl wearing ripped black skinny jeans and matte black Dr. Martens steps out. Her long, wavy, blonde hair falls past her waist and has grown out slightly at the roots to reveal her natural light brown colouring. She pulls on an oversized grey hoodie to hide her burgundy work apron and takes a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket. Anna hasn’t spotted me yet and my heart is pounding as I approach her.

“Hey Anna! I was worried I’d miss you.” I announce as I draw closer to her. She puts a cigarette behind her ear and looks up in my direction, a smile creeps across her face as she sees me. She skips towards me and throws her arms around my neck.

“Matt! Yeah I had a difficult customer so had to go on break five minutes late. Some fat couple complained because I didn’t to put cream on their hot chocolates so I asked them if they really needed the extra calories and they kicked off at me. They’re a couple of dick heads if you ask me. But how was sound check? You pumped for the gig later?” That’s classic Anna getting herself into trouble. She takes her cigarette from behind her ear and lights it. Something seems different about her. She can’t seem to stop smiling for some reason, surely she can’t be that happy to see me? Here I am trying my best to hide my excitement at being in her presence and she’s beaming away like there’s no tomorrow. Of course I’m pleased that she’s so happy but something just seems different about her.

“It was fine, same as always I guess. I don’t know. I’m just fed up of not getting anywhere. I love playing but it’s soul destroying playing to an empty room. Sometimes I just want to quit and move on with my life.” Anna nods along as she listens to my first world problems and puffs on her cigarette. There’s a slight look of pity in her eye but a hint of a knowing smile peppers the corners of her lips. There’s something that she’s not telling me, as if she’s formulating a devious plan.

“Let’s go away.” She says, staring me straight in the eyes and into my soul. She exhales a lungful of smoke and I let out a light chuckle at her words as I don’t know what to say or whether she is being serious. Her face remains unchanged at my awkward laugh, the same mischievous smile lingering on her lips. Now I’m sure that she’s serious.

“Away?” I ask in confusion.

“Yeah, why not? You’re fed up, I’m fed up, let’s get out of here. Go away and never look back.”

“Oh you mean like go away go away? ‘Leave everything behind’ kind of go away.”

“Yeah, why not? We can go tonight after your gig. Take your car and drive somewhere. What’s keeping you here? You just said that you want to move on with your life, well why don’t we move on together, somewhere new?”

Her melodic and persuasive voice is difficult to disagree with. But the thought of just uprooting my life seems unthinkable to me. I have the band and my job and I couldn’t leave my mum behind. Maybe she’d understand, I am 24 and old enough to decide my own path in life and mum has Terry, he’s good to her, better than my poor excuse for a father ever was…what am I thinking? Why am I even considering this? It’s crazy. Anna has such a hold over me; she makes me feel alive, like I can do anything. Maybe she’s right. This deadbeat city has made me stale without me even realising. Who wants to wake up every morning and go to a soul-destroying minimum wage job with a bunch of tossers who have nothing better to be doing with their lives? When did I become one of those tossers? Enough is enough, it’s time for me to make a change in my life, and I’m going to make it with the most extraordinary woman I have ever met.

“Fuck it. Let’s go.” Anna’s face lights up at my agreement, the coy smile she was holding back evolves in to an ear-to-ear grin in a split second. My heart is racing and my palms are sweaty as I can’t believe what I’ve just agreed to. She throws her arms around me, cigarette still poised between her fingers, and plants her lips firmly on mine. I stand there stunned. I want desperately to kiss her back, to hold her close to me and never let go but my body is frozen in shock. I thought that my heart was racing fast before but that was nothing compared to how I feel at this very moment, I could honestly go into cardiac arrest at any moment. Before I manage to react she pulls away, a smile plastered across her face.

“I’ll meet you after the show then” she says as she puts her cigarette out on the wall and drops it to the floor.

“Yeah, yeah I guess you will” I just about manage to squeeze out a stuttered reply, my heart still racing and brain absolutely reeling. Anna turns to head into work and reaches for the door. She glances back at me for a brief moment and disappears into the café. I have to pause for a moment to take in what just happened.

Walking back to The Black Horse pub, where I’m playing in a couple of hours’ time, I feel like a different person entirely. With a cigarette burning slowly in my hand, I float down the street like a ghost, invisible and invincible. The streets feel different to me now, ten minutes ago they were my home but now the city is nothing more than a maze of dirty pavements with one too many homeless people littering it’s doorways. My future was a looming nightmare, I was doomed to achieve nothing and have nothing to show for my years on earth but now I have nothing to lose. Maybe I’m being somewhat dramatic, but for a 24 year old stuck in a thankless job, with no girlfriend, still living with my mum, it certainly doesn’t feel like I’ve got much going for me.

My band mates are sitting around a sticky table nursing pints of beer as I enter the pub. Mikey, the drummer, gestures at me with a quick flick of his head to acknowledge that he’s seen me. I return his gesture and point at the bar so to silently say ‘I’m getting a drink’. The stage is all set up, ready and waiting for us to grace it with our musical presence. If you could even call it a stage, it’s a miracle that we can all fit on it along with the drum kit and amplifiers. I’ve always dreamed of performing on the expansive stage of The O2 Arena in front of 20,000 screaming fans, but for now my patience has worn thin and I’ve grown tired of pathetic pub venues like this one. I’ll carry on playing guitar wherever I end up, but I’ll do it for myself and hopefully the magic and excitement I once felt when I picked up the instrument will come back to me. I approach the bar and lean on the sticky, beer-soaked surface next to a ragged old man who’s clearly been drinking since this morning. He sits on a bar stool staring aimlessly off into the distance, his head wobbling on his shoulders as he struggles to keep upright. The stench of stale beer emanating from him is repulsive and I find myself making a conscious effort not to breathe through my nose so as to not torture my nostrils. The bartender makes her way slowly along the bar in my direction.

“What can I get you?”

“Pint of Kronenbourg please”

“Got any ID?” She barely looks old enough drink alcohol herself, let alone to be asking me for proof of age. Her black hair has been straightened to within an inch of its life and the clips from her terrible extensions are visible towards the back of her head. The spiders that she calls eyelashes do little to distract from the fact that the foundation she’s layered on is the wrong colour. The sad thing is that she could probably be quite attractive without all that junk plastered across her face. But it’s her life and who am I to judge, right? I pull my driving licence out of my wallet and hand it to her. She studies it for a moment, seemingly trying to calculate my age, and then hands it back to me.

“Kronenbourg yeah?” she asks as she takes a pint glass from below the bar. I nod and she turns to pour my pint.

“£3.70 please” She puts my beer down in front of me and I hand her a five-pound note. I take a sip as she counts my change out of the till; an ice-cold beer has never tasted so good, even if it is the only one I can drink tonight before driving. I feel content in the knowledge that my life is about to get infinitely better, especially if that kiss from Anna means what I hope it means. I put my change in my pocket without counting it and head over to sit with the band.

“Alright lads?” I ask rhetorically as I rest my beer on the table and sit down.

“How’s Anna?” Mikey says jokingly. The others nod and chuckle in agreement with the question.

“She’s good. We’re going away together” I reply nonchalantly. A look of confusion ripples across the faces of my friends.

“Going away? Like on holiday?” asks Tom, our frontman and guitarist.

“No, like going away for good. Moving away. Getting out of this shit hole” their confusion seems to change to annoyance.

“And when did you decide this? When were you going to tell us?” the tone of the conversation has shifted from its light-hearted nature.

“Just now. She suggested it when I just met her on her break and I thought why not? What’s keeping me here?” I explain my thought process and feelings to them in an attempt to make them understand. My decision to leave is nothing to do with them, if anything they’re one of the only reasons for me to stay; they’re my three best friends. But it’s not like I’m going to drive to the other side of the world, it’ll be easy for me to see them. I just need to get a fresh start before my life flashes before my eyes and then I’m 50 years old, pushing papers for a living, paying a mortgage for a house I can’t afford. Anna is the key to my future and even if that kiss meant nothing to her, and even if a year down the line we go our separate ways, I will have at least done something now to change my life for good.

“Well if that’s what you feel like you have to do then do it, mate” says Danny, the bassist, reluctantly. I can tell that they’re somewhat upset by my leaving, but I believe that they understand and want me to be happy.

“Yeah, I mean it’s your life. We’ll just miss you is all” Mikey hits me playfully on the back and smiles while the others smile and nod in agreement.

“Thanks guys, it means a lot that you understand. Now let’s make our last gig together one to remember” we raise our pints and with a loud ‘Hey!’ we cheers and take a drink.

Standing on the stage with my band mates, guitar in hand, microphone posed a little too short in front of me. It’s been a long time since playing on stage has made me feel like this, it’s a shame that it comes in the wake of my departure. For the first time in forever, I am playing for the sheer fun of it rather than feeling like I have to prove something, to achieve something. As we come to the end of our final song I look around at my band mates and they look at me, all smiling wide and covered in sweat from the amount of energy we’ve put into our performance. Even though there are 20 people in the room and none of them know who we are, this time we aren’t playing for them, we’re playing for ourselves. I glance out into the audience and standing by the door is Anna. Leaning casually against the wall, arms folded across her chest, nodding along in time with the music. A large black duffel bag rests by her feet, no doubt containing the belongings she’s bringing on our quest for a new life.

As the spotlights dim I turn to my band mates and wrap my arms around all of them. They wish me good luck for the future and make me promise to stay in touch. I place my guitar in its case, throw the straps over my shoulders and head for the door where Anna is waiting.

“Good show” she says happily. She has never seen my band play before and I’m pleased that she managed to see this one; especially as it’s the best we’ve played in a long while.

“Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Shall we hit the road? I just need to grab some stuff from home first” I reply. At this point I’m not even attempting to stifle the grin that’s stretched across my face. Anna picks up her duffel and we head out of the door to my car.

Pulling into the driveway of the house I grew up in I am overwhelmed by the realisation that now I have to tell my mum that I’m leaving. She’s always going on at me about moving out and getting my own place but I’m not sure she’ll be expecting it to come about so suddenly. I ask Anna to wait in the car while I go in and get my stuff; it’s going to be hard enough to explain to my mum without having the girl that I like watching me. I unlock the front door and close it behind me.

“Hi mum” I shout as I jog upstairs. Mum is sitting in the living room watching some trashy TV show just like every night.

“Hello dear! How was the show?” she yells back. I grab a large backpack from on top of my wardrobe and begin shoving clothes into it. A handful of boxers and socks, 2 pairs of the same black skinny jeans, a pile of various band t-shirts and a few shirts. My sense of fashion has always been limited so thankfully packing has never been much of a difficult task for me. I scan around my room for anything else I might want or need. This would be much easier if my room wasn’t an absolute tip, I feel somewhat guilty for leaving my mum to deal with my room in such a state but it’s a bit late now. If I don’t go tonight then I might change my mind by the morning.

“It was good,” I shout as I round up my laptop and DSLR camera into their protective casings and stuff them into my bag. As I look around my room I have to stop myself from taking all of my possessions with me. What need do I have for a ‘Second Place’ medal that I got in year 11 for the high jump? Yet I find myself lingering over it and many other sentimental belongings that have no practical use for me in the future. I’m sure it will all still be here when I come back to visit, I can’t imagine my mum getting rid of my stuff. She’s a soppy cow after all.

Quick dip into the bathroom to grab my toothbrush and I’m back down the stairs. I place my backpack down gently by the front door and walk slowly into the living room where my mum is sitting quietly on the sofa.

“Mum,” I say hesitantly as I hover in the doorway “I’m going away.” I wait fearfully for her reaction. She turns awkwardly to look at me.

“Away? What do you mean you’re going away?” she asks, confused.

“I’m going away. I’ve packed a bag and I’m going to get in my car and drive somewhere and start a new life. My friend Anna is coming with me. I know it’s all a bit sudden but I’ve thought about it and it’s something I need to do.” Fighting back the tears is proving to be harder than I imagined. Mum has stood up from the sofa and is staring up at me, her eyes glistening.

“I don’t understand. You’re going right now? Why? What about me? What about your job? Don’t be an idiot, Matthew.” She never calls me by my full name.

“I’m not being an idiot mum. I just need to do this. My job sucks and I need to do something with my life. You’re always telling me I need to get out there and find my own place, well that’s what I’m doing and if I don’t go right now then I’m scared that I’ll change my mind and then I’ll never go. I’ve got some money saved to get me started and it’s not like you’re never going to see me again. Plus I have my phone and my laptop so I can talk to you whenever you want. I’m sorry but this is what I need to do.” Mum stands there in silence, apparently battling with herself internally. After a moment she steps forward and places her arms tight around my waist, pressing the side of her head against my chest – I’ve always been much taller than her, ever since I was a twelve years old. I place one hand on her back and one on the back of her head.

“You just be careful, you stupid boy,” she says through her tears. I know that it will be hard for her to accept that I’ve left, but she’s always been the understanding type. “You let me know when you get to wherever you’re going. Don’t you dare leave me here to worry about you.”

“I will, mum. Don’t worry about me.” We hug for another minute before she lets go.

“Go on then. Before I lock you up.” She jokes as she wipes her tears from her eyes. I smile and kiss her on the cheek before turning and making my way to the front door. Mum follows me down the hallway, takes her purse from her coat hanging on the bannister and hands me four twenty-pound notes.

“For petrol. Take it,” she says as she forces it into my hand, knowing that I would likely refuse the money. This time I accept it graciously and thank her for her generosity and understanding, there’s no way she’s letting me leave here without taking the money. I pick up my backpack from the floor and open the front door. Mum stands by the door as I make my way down the driveway and get into the driver’s seat.

“Got everything?” Anna asks as I throw my backpack into the back seat and put my keys in the ignition. Mum is still loitering in the doorway, waiting for me to drive away.

“Yes I think so. Now where are we going?” I reply, wiping away the pools that have formed in my eyes and the snot that trickles slowly from my nose.

“My sister, Vicky, lives down in Brighton so I was thinking we could head down there and stay with her for a bit? I rang her earlier and she said it’s fine” Anna says happily. She seems surprisingly content with what we’re doing in spite of the suddenness. I shouldn’t be surprised really; Anna always was the spontaneous type.

“Then your sister’s it is!” I try and sound as enthusiastic as possible. Of course I am excited about what lies ahead but it’s also somewhat terrifying. It’s especially difficult to feel happy when I can see my wonderful mum holding back her tears in the doorway of the home I grew up in. I turn the key in the ignition and feel Anna’s hand grasp my shoulder.

“Hey Matt,” I turn to face at her, a caring look flickers in her eyes, “it’s going to be great” she says with a smile. Smiling back at her I nod in agreement. Her hand moves from my shoulder to caress my cheek, her hands warm and soft on my teary face. She leans in towards me and places her lips on mine again. This time feels different to earlier. Her kiss outside the café felt like a spur of the moment impulse, fuelled by sheer excitement. It didn’t feel motivated by real romantic affection. But this time she lingers longer, our lips locked together. I’m not going to waste this opportunity like the last one. I place my hand gently on the back of her head and feel her soft hair between my fingers. In this moment all of my worries float away and I know that I am on the right path. The smell of her perfume fills my nostrils and my senses are in overload. I kiss her back softly but firmly and for a moment it feels as though we are melting into one another. I’ve had many first kisses in the past, but I’ve never felt for anyone the way I do for Anna.

Our lips separate and we remain still for a moment, eyes closed and foreheads pressed together, my fingers still tangled in her long hair at the back of her head.

“Shall we get on the road then?” Anna whispers as we catch our breath. I open my eyes and release her head from my grasp. A feeling of calm comes over my body as I look into her eyes and we smile at one another. Is this really happening? Can this be happening to me? Nothing good ever happens to me but the world definitely seems to be on my side now.

The road is empty as we cruise down the M6 motorway. The bright streetlights pass by in a blur. Anna sits in the passenger seat with her knees resting against the dashboard and head leaning gently on the window. Google Maps says it will take us four and a half hours to drive down the country to Brighton but I’m sure I can cut that time down. I take a sip of the sickly sweet energy drink I bought before we set off. I wouldn’t normally drink them but it’s going to be a long night of driving and the petrol station’s coffee machine was out of service. The adrenaline and excitement that this adventure is making me feel would probably be enough to keep me alert and awake, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

“Can we stop soon for a fag?” asks Anna, lifting her head away from the window and turning to look at me.

“Yeah sure, I’ll stop when I see a lay by” I reply. Even though I’m a smoker myself, don’t like to smoke in my car. The stale smell of cigarettes is repulsive even to me, let alone to anyone who might want to buy it in the future.

We drive for another 10 minutes until a layby presents itself by the side of the road. I indicate even though there’s no other car in sight and pull in. A lorry sits there silently in the dark, presumably a long distance goods delivery lorry headed to somewhere in Europe with a weary driver asleep in the cabin. I pull up behind it and we get out of the car. The air is chilly and the sky is clear, save for one small cloud passing across the bright white moon. If it weren’t for the light pollution of the motorway streetlamps we might be able to make out a few stars. Anna takes a packet of Marlboro’s out of her pocket and places a cigarette between her lips. She pats her pockets in search of her lighter, seemingly having left it in the car. I take mine from my jacket pocket and flick the wheel to ignite the flame. As I hold out the lighter to Anna she brings the end of her cigarette into the fire and tokes lightly until it’s lit. She exhales and smoke funnels from between her lips, she is completely oblivious to how beautiful she looks under the glow of the streetlamps and I just want to grab her and kiss her again.

“This is pretty crazy isn’t it?” I say before lighting my own cigarette.

“Yep, pretty damn crazy” Anna replies with a chuckle, “but it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now.”

“Really? How come? Why were you so desperate to get away?” I ask curiously. Anna doesn’t tend to talk about herself all that much so I don’t know what’s driven her to leave everything behind, or if she even has anything to leave behind.

“For the same reason you did I guess? Life can really grind you down when you hate your job, your parents and the place you live. At least you lived close to the city centre. You should see the shitty suburbs I grew up in. Jesus, they were enough to drive anyone insane. I just woke up this morning and decided that today was the day and that I wanted you to come with me. You are pretty much the only person in my life that I really care about, apart from my sister.” Anna looks down at the floor and kicks a stone playfully between her feet. Her lips appear to be chattering slightly and she’s pulled the sleeves of her hoody right down over her hands so just the tips of her fingers holding her cigarette are visible. I take off my leather jacket and place it over her shoulders as she is obviously feeling the cold. The cold has never bothered me much anyway. She looks up at me with a grateful twinkle in her eyes and smiles, I take my chance and kiss her gently on the lips again just for a second.

“What’s so bad about your parents then?” I am intrigued to find out more about Anna’s life and what made her into the strong, amazing woman that I am so infatuated with.

“Well my dad left when I was 11 and I’ve barely heard a word from him since so he can get fucked for all I care. And my mum has been an insufferable emotional wreck and alcoholic ever since he left.” Anna attempts to brush off the effect it’s had on her by explaining as casually as possible, like it’s no big deal to her, but I can see in her eyes that she’s hurting. “My sister pretty much raised me from when I was 12 because our mum was incapable of even really looking after herself, let alone the two of us as well. My mum claimed benefits and stuff but it wasn’t enough to pay for all of us so that more or less just went into her pocket. Vicky was 16 so she left school and got a full time job in a shoe shop to pay for everything that we needed. Then when I turned 18 Vicky moved down to Brighton because she thought I’d be fine now that I was an adult. Can’t blame her really, I mean look at me following her across the country 6 years later.”

There are little twinkling pools forming in the corners of Anna’s eyes and I feel honoured that she is opening up to me like this. In the two years that I’ve known her she’s never spoken this much about her life. Anna wipes her eyes and I place my arms around her. She hugs me back and we embrace for several minutes, her head resting on my shoulder as we sway gently from side to side.

“Shall we get back on the road?” I eventually say softly. Anna nods and we release each other from our hold. We flick our burned out cigarettes away and get back into the car. Anna resumes her position in the passenger seat, her knees resting against the dashboard and head leaned against the window.

One hour has passed since our cigarette by the side of the road and Anna is fast asleep in the passenger seat next to me. As much as I want to stop and smoke again, I can’t bring myself to wake her. She looks so peaceful. Her lips are parted slightly and she is breathing softly. Her hair falls like soft blonde waves around her face and over her shoulders, which are still covered with my jacket. I have never known a human being to look so beautiful even in sleep. I recall a photo my mum once took of me asleep in the back of the car when I was 16 years old. My mouth agape, head flopped to one side and my lanky arms drooped at my side. I think it’s the worst photo that anyone has ever taken of me and since then I cannot fall asleep on public transport out of sheer fear of embarrassment. But Anna transcends the rules of conventional beauty.

She’s not what I’d describe as traditionally sexy. Her body is straight up and down and there’s little in the way of curves to her shape. But it’s not her body that makes her attractive. Yes she has an exquisite face but that’s not entirely it either. The reason she’s so attractive and the reason I’m drawn to her is the fearless confidence she exudes. There’s nothing sexier than a woman that knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to take risks to get it. Her confidence rubs off on me and I am addicted to the person that I am when I’m with her. She makes me feel like I can do anything. Today is the beginning of the rest of my life and it’s all because of her. From this day I will be a changed man, my life will never be the same. One day ago my life was pathetic, no one would be envious of my future. But now my future is filled with endless possibilities and excitement. Some people may call me stupid but it’s my life and if they want to carry on with their miserable lives in their thankless dead-end jobs then that’s their choice. I on the other hand am going on an adventure with the most incredible woman I have ever met. I will never be able to thank her enough for getting me out of my endless cycle of misery. I’m finally on my way to a life of happiness and I don’t need anything except Anna by my side.